oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
