So drunk its hurt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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