I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
