bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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