at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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