where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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