Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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