After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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