You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
