I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
