Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
