My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
