Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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