A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
