It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize