soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
