so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize