She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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