Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
