White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
