Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
