I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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