thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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