PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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