if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
