xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
