couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
