I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
where are my eyebrows?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
