Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
