There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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