Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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