i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
