You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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