where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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