"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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