I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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