Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
