Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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