I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
