can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
