member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
