i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
