i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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