i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
