my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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