i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
