Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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