I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
