Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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