proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
