It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just invented taco cereal.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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