I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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