bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
