Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
