Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
