girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
