Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
