a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
