That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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