Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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