I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
