I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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