dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
