you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
