I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
